balls

 I HATEEE MY PERIOD AHHHHH I'm not joking chat, I wake up, its Tuesday, I feel HORRIBLE pain everywhere, I feel sick, I throw up 4 times, I feel numb, I lay down, wake up again, my whole body feels like it fell asleep and my chest is being pushed down, I immediately panic thinking I'm gonna be in the next Insidious, we call 911, they tell me what I already know, they leave, I go to doctor, she pretty much said "deal with it for the rest of your life you loser", I cry, I get Angelica and Chuckie stickers, we go to hospital for something with three letters that I forgot, lady at front desk takes her time, I cry more to not crash out and rush her, we get what we need done, I go home, I throw up again, I lay down, I take stupid medicine again, I feel better, I talk to friends, listen to music, dread making up the test tomorrow. Today was balls man but I got to skip school so yippee.

from k414s iphone

🙏

EVERYONE PISSES MEEEEE OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

EV V V V V RE EE E EEY YY YYYY ON NE EEE EE E

DOOO NOTTTT  COMEEEE TOO MEEEE TOOO TALK ABOUTTT YOURRRR CRAPPPPP STFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

(im meant dont talk to me about your drama without my consent, im not a horrible person)

from k414s iphone

HEYY

 Sorry far taking alot of breaks and not being consistent but I added a few new songs to the music player if that makes up for it. The friend groups been getting closer, drama has been dying down and I'm thriving. Though at the same time I hate being left alone, no one texting me, no one calling me, no one sending me tiktoks, completely alone. I hateeee it. I feel like I dont fit with my friends that much (not by skin by personality), I wish I had a friend who liked the same things as me and wasn't so like scared to actually do things. Its honestly a dream to find someone like that in Dyersburg and that KILLLLS me. Besides all of that, I'm happy as long as the friend group makes it to 9th grade. I am fully aware I will have zero chance with that guy and will probably NEVER be given one. A few of us went to the skating rink yesterday( Mollie, Ariel, Sylar, and Will) , it was fun if you ignore the lady who looks like she hates her job, you cant chew gum and the fact that the only good game in the arcade was the sonic racing game. 

Ok so we were sitting at a table and Sylar dropped a quarter in wills drink as a joke right? Will makes a joke about it TALKING TO USSS but mind you that lady that works there had been literally CAMPINGGG us the whole night. She looks at us and starts going on about how "HE COULDVE DIED FROM THAT" "THATS NOT COOL" and im not trying to sound mean but buddy is it that boring to work here? And then the guy that worked there he comes over after a few minutes and told Sylar to go to time out😭. Annd they made WILL pay for a new drink when Sylar was the one who did it. We didnt take it that seriously though, the fact they put him in timeout was the funniest part of it. I wish uayf went that would've been so fun. 

from k414s iphone

YAY

Sorry for not being as consistent as I planned. But this is gonna be a long one. On Friday we had an 8th grade formal..I got to see the Three Oaks kids which is cool I guess, annnd I saw uayf's suit (HE LOOKED SOOO GOOD). But apparently my friend group (cough couch camree) cant go a day without drama. She was in her feelings that night and "crying" bc Camden.c (her ex) moved on like girl.…SO HAVE U! Then yesterday she was starting unnecessary problems in the team cereal group chat like wtf? Then coming after others in gc its just straight up childish. she left the gc and “blocked“ everyone but ive been had her blocked 😎.

Friday me, Taylor, Mollie, Ariel, Sylar, EVAN, Will, case and Farrah all went skating. a few of us were skating some were either in the arcade or playing pool. It felt like a fever dream Honestly, I saw Kbren he's so awesome, I didnt like that there was guys watching me the whole time but 🤷‍♀️ if you squint and tilt your head to the side it was really fun. There were these two 6th graders that were being really obnoxious and almost got my group in trouble which is totes not cool But the cool guy that works there only got onto the 6th graders😋😋. it was so tuff here's a few pictures

from k414s iphone

:4

 School was okay today if you forget about the three practice tests. Uayf looked at me twice, not saying i have a CHANCE with that man though. I'm probably putting him on a pedestal but his face is really relaxing to look at and I fw that heavily, his smile is really cute too btw. I dont even wanna try anything really id be content with literally just being friends that how low my standards have been reduced to. Lowkey dont think I'm meant to be in a relationship, kind of upset about that but its whatever i guess. Not even ONE boy in this white dominated town got a thing for black girls and that KLLLLS ME. I LOVE WHITE BOYS (dont take this seriously)  I hope no one I know irl finds this

i dont know what title this

 I'm sorry for missing two days, its been alot on my mind. Its not a new feeling but its not a comfortable feeling either. I can't say its all my friends fault I feel this way, I cant say its really anyone's fault but mine. I make myself feel this way. I feel angry, upset, alone, and isolated when I'm with my friends and its like I cant enjoy anything anymore without knowing its gonna be something ill think about in the future longing to be in that moment again. I dont know what that's called but I hate it. I feel it when I do bad things too, like I just blocked one of my friends, camree, she said something I didnt like and something else as well. In the back of my head its just "in a year its not gonna matter what she said" "I a month its not gonna matter if you blocked her or not" "in an hour you anger isn't gonna matter" most of those sound positive until they aren't. 

I miss not knowing things, I'm not saying I know everything now obviously since I am still 14. But I do know I felt better being oblivious to this amount of anger, hurt, longing, and loneliness. How come so many people want to be my friend but not really show it. That sounds so stupid I'm sorry. I dont wanna sound like I'm saying I dont understand anything and I'm small and stuff but I mean like I feel like I'm loosing myself completely. I'm not connecting. I'm not understanding change. I'm not understanding friendships, relationships, or people around me. I dont think anyone knows me, I dont tell people everything cause I dont want them to leave me. If I said everything id probably be lonelier than I am now. It doesn't really count right now since its 3 a clock. But speaking everyday, I dread everything. speaking to my friends, walking near my friends, TEXTING my friends back. It shouldn't be normal for people to be used to being blocked by me when I'm like this. Why do I block people when I'm like this. I need someone there I need someone please. When I am asking for a response I never get it and I dont know why. Please answer me. I'm sorry if I every spam videos, just tell me to stop and I will all I want is a response from any of my friends. Its like I feel so invisible when they're talking about sexualiy, stopping friends who want to end it, or feeling alone. All of this sounds so stupid. Ever since last year ive felt disconnected, I felt like everyone around me wasn't there and that I was imagining it all. People who ive known for years feels like I'm still getting to know them and that I dont deserve to be in their presence. Everything is changing too quick and I cant catch up or understand that I'm going to highschool soon, or that if I'm gone no one would remember me sooner or later. I know none of this makes sense and I also know no one I know irl is gonna read or see this so I look crazy and stupid  writing all of this.

Be Your Girl-TEEDRA MOSES

i love this song sooo much

#grr

 I have to go back to school tomorrow... on a FRIDAY! We have been out all week because of the flooding and tornados, why not let us miss Friday too? There's like literally no point in that. Most of my friends roads are completely flooded and most of them are close to being so which is totes not cool. I mean what if said I'm this close👌 to drowning and dying and I CANNOT go to that school. Would they say I need to find a way? nuh uh. In a way I do kind of wanna go to school because I do infact want a glimpse of UAYF. Speaking of that, its obvious he does NOT want that cookie, but hypothetically if I were to send the Team cereal 2*  playlist many many times he might join it and ill have access to his Spotify. I'm literally a mastermind and no one knows it. Perhaps I should sign up to take big tests that dont include math since I'm just that smart. Also friendships are hard asf, I refuse to put all of MY trust into someone I met last year, two moths ago, 8 months ago or even in kindergarten cause people switch up really quick. Like what do you mean I tell you all my secrets and then you go and tell your BEST FRIEND what I was telling you? #notcool. Its gotten tuah point where I refuse to tell my friends lore. What if they're writing it down in a large book waiting to release it to the public 😥

*team cereal 2 is my friend gc, we had to make a second in 2024 because the first one got dry 

from k414s iPhone 

#notcool

 Chat like actually ACTUALLY how do you text people first, I usually just wait until I'm feeling really horrible until I text people the first time so when they respond I can be upset they're interrupting my solitude which is like really genius of me. But when it comes down to ABSOLUTELY Undeniably ATTRACTIVE YOUNG FELLA I cannot say ANYTHING this isn't an exaggeration I haven't spoken to that boy since November of 2024 I'm so cooked. I'm not usually a shy person but occasionally I dabble a bit in the shy side and I'm not a big fan of that. I want to be able to fully express myself without having that thought in the back of my head saying I'm either talking too much or I'm not making any sense because I want people to want to hear what I have to say the same way I do to them, but whenever what I'm saying is stupid, or has horrible grammar, or straight up makes no sense. It makes me wish I never said anything at all. I need this gone ASAP!

from k414s iPhone 

Sigh

Need a man who feels like Mai by videoclub so bad. That song sounds exactly how I want to feel around people if that makes sense🥀

from k414s iPhone

INTRO:)

 HI! Im Kaia. T but I like kayak. Im 14 and in a few months I’ll be a freshman as of now which is sorta cool but I don’t wanna leave my middle school :> I’ve been there for so long I’m just used to it. Im going to try to upload a post atleast once or twice a week to see how long I keep streaks. My birthdays January 30th so you should totes invest in giving me money on my birthday:)

Anyways this is me::

so fire so cutesy