Slight update

Nothing has been happening from the last time i updated, we’re still all group calling and stuff. Friday is charlies birthday party and im going because he said its gonna be vanilla cake🥳

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I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CAREEEEEEEE

 Does it me make a horrible person if I were to say I will eventually stop giving a shit after all you talk about is yourself? No matter how hard I try to care its literally impossible now. Thanks for trusting me but can we go a minute without you mentioning your crush? Can we go a minute without bringing up drama or that one guy, or like stop bringing up random dudes that are ABSOLULY IRRELEVANT to what were doing and talking about? It pisses me off so bad its unbelievable, I understand were getting older and change will happen but, there's a line between being straight up frustrating and changing. And god the tones I get, like damn I'm sorry. As happy as I am that the friend group is now calling and talking all day and everyday, it also gets draining when there's just those few people who just have to drain me completely. I cant stand whiners or people get mad when things dont go there way, shut the fuck up dude. Eugh.

And those people who just have to ruin the mood by being a complete Debby downer or purposely being a smartass.. like no duh it was clearly a joke you idiot, I didnt think I needed someone to tell me that it was spelled wrong cause it was CLEARLYYYY PURPOSLYYY SPELLLLT WRONG. 

Okay the first part sounds mean from a perspective, i meant like bringing things up over and over and over until it gets old, I dont mind when its family issues ill try to help with that but anything other than that is good golly

And then like the friend group is doing good now, there's no issues so if I were to say anything about it everyone would hate me and it would cause unnecessary drama. So in conclusion I will have to suck up all of my annoyance until graduation.

idkkkkkkkkk

 Today was the last day of middle school it was okay. Yesterday I ruined any chance I had with Evan, although there was no way I had one in the first place. I was always scared to talk to him or even be near him. I told him this "This is really random and I am really really sorry I was very VERY scared to talk to you at all in person I just wanted to say I like you a lot and I think you're really cool and very tuff. I should've spoken to you but you're really intimidating I'm not gonna lie." I got no response and then Ariel told him it was a joke but it really really wasn't a joke I meant all of it. And then he said it was stupid and changed the subject. I dont understand how it was stupid, it wasn't a joke I promise it wasn't, even if he doesn't like me back it really wasn't a joke. I mean how could he even believe that it was? I hate to sound not confident but I dont believe that I am pretty enough to catch his eye ever and never will be. And I can guarantee you that I will never be enough for anyone. Everyone is pretty. Except me. Why.

I'm happy I'm not in middle school anymore, but I'm still really upset, I'm not upset about seeing my friends anymore. I'm more upset about not being in archery anymore, I'm not sure where id be right now if I never joined archery. When I joined I wasn't in the best headspace and truly just running on autopilot and joined archery on a whim. Like when I say horrible headspace I mean absolutely horrible headspace. I was close to ending my life because it got too much to handle. I never knew who to run to or talk to when I felt at my absolute worst everyone had some kind of relationship keeping them busy and  at that time no one had each others backs in the friend group or had someone closer and I felt so isolated to the point I would rather keep it to myself rather than have people go on and on about how "you just want attention" or "we dont care" "ill be there" or being straight up ignored because no one knows what to say. The loneliness I felt constantly in 7th grade was absolutely unbearable, I started to even plan the day I wanted to end my life just to end up not doing it because I was scared, and people will say "oh well since you were scared, that means you have a reason to stay" shut the fuck up dude. Just because I'm still alive does NOT mean I dont still want to fucking hang myself. Just because I am speaking to you at this moment. It does not mean that I WANT to.

I just cannotttt be here anymore. I dont even feel here as it is, I should've been dead years ago.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH I NEEEEEEEEDDD THATTTTTTT

 I NEED UAYF SO BAD ITS DESPARATE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I JUST CANT GO ON ID GIVE MY ALLLLLLLL🙏🙏

from k414s iphone

OHHH YEAHHH

 Okay so a lot has been going on this week so my apologies, so major update.

MONDAY

Monday was a kind of boring day but we got our yearbooks which was pretty cool. Mr. woods announced a spelling test I'm praying we dont actually have to do ts. I know most of the words I just dont feel like spelling 20 flippin words, just trust me. I know them. We aren't even gonna be able to do it this week bc of all the field trips but we might have to next Monday unfortunately. (mind you this is the last week of school and were still taking tests)

TUESDAY

Tuesday was ossi reward day for easter egg hunt, we got free time in the gym, a movie, free pizza and slushy's, free time outside which was pretty fun. I mostly stayed wit Maddie, Brianna, Emily, Levi, Jackson, and Mason. It was indubitably very fun. We watched despicable me 4, i hadn't watched it yet so it was pretty enjoyable. 

WEDNESDAY

Wednesday was awesomeness, it was 8th grade picnic. We all went out to the baseball field for like free time and yearbook signing. My whole friend group played volleyball together and it was a big circle, honestly makes me hope we all last till high school. Then after that we went inside school for break, but of course our princeble has to go on a tangent about something. It was reasonable until he punishes everyone on 8th grade bc a few girls werent weating dress code and some people were laughing at him. But its not fair bc the people who were doing those things DO IT EVERYYYDAY and he does nothing about it. GRR Then he pretty much puts us all in timeout for half an hour until sending us all back to homeroom FORR A HOUR telling us NO TALKING, NO GETTING UP, NOTHINGGG. WHATTTTT????? But thank god he let us go back outside, we went out to the backyard and got hotdogs and cheeseburgers. My friend group took up like a whole tent it was really funny. Most of us played volleyball it was so awesomeness, i actullay sorta spoke to UAYF. AND HE SIGNED MY YEARBOOK!!! He should totally follow me back on Tiktok or dare I say Spotify orrr Airbuds perhaps? Then after we all were absolutely COOKING in volleyball, it started raining which was not cool but i dont mind heh.

THURSDAY

That was today so ill update for Friday..tomorrow obviously. Today was kind of lame. We all went to the community college for a tour, they gave us a personality test and I got blue, all my friends say it was accurate. I googled it and uayf got green and heh according to google blue and green is pretty good together. We went to the hospital facility and found a random ball and the nurse let me keep it since I'm so cool. Then we played bingo, I technically didnt win but I answered one question and used that excuse to get a ring pop cause I'm just that awesome. To sum it up I had to imagine everything was fun. Tomorrow I hope were allowed to bring the volleyball to the park for gold and silver cause I want an excuse to be around everyone.

FRIDAY

We couldn't go to the park for gold and silver because the tornado warning so we stayed at school all day even after it started clearing up. But its whatever I guess, it was still fun. We all started off in the gym while prepared the other things we could do, like art in the pbl lab, karaoke in the theater, free time in the gym, or gaming in the esports room. So in the morning we all were in the gym, at first I played volleyball with the small group of my friends but they kept kicking the ball and it was kind of irritating me so I walked off. But then everyone else was doing their own thing so I was pretty bored. When they called for karaoke I was doing a jump roping competition with a few people from my friend group. Then I got bored of that and went to karaoke for like 3-4 hours and came back for lunch which was a YUMMY Little Caesars pizza I think, it was delicious. After the pizza the teacher who was monitoring us in the little theater said she wanted to take a break and everyone who was doing karaoke had to wait in the gym for a little till she's ready to go back down there. I joined volleyball again since there were more people and more room, but then after a while of that they called for the people who wanted to do esports to go to the esports room, so of course I went because I was bored out of my mind. But literally not long after I sit in the chair I'm ALREADY bored. I couldn't log into my darn roblox acc bc my phone was being stupid, so literally all I could do is listen to music and play games on itch.io. So eventually I left and went back to the theater to do karaoke with my friends. The teacher who was supposed to me monitoring us left me in charge for changing the songs and I was like "alright" but then she tells me "Ka'mishay is gonna be in charge of the list of people who are going next." and I tried my absolute HARDEST to not sigh. There isn't anything horrible about Ka'mishay, its just there's times she does too much and I want things to be quick cut and dry ya know? It took 2-3 minutes for her to figure out whose going next and it was killing meeee. In conclusion, this day was fun but it had potential to be amazing, although I an indeed grateful they still let us have an gold and silver day despite the storms.

from k414s iphone

PHONEE

 Chat i got a new phone which is so awesome, I upgraded from 11 to 13 cause 11 isn't doing too hot lately. Schools been chill lately I haven't had to speak to Mrs. c*gle which is amazing, My hovercraft is doing good which is also awesome. Ive become even more aware I'm most likely never gonna have a chance with him which KILLLLS me but you know what, if you squint, there's a slither of a chance, that im way too scared to take. But if you squint, do the hokey pokey, and jump rope 19 times (heh get it? cause his birthdays on a 19th) he BASICALLY POSSIBLY could like me back. "indubitably" you say agreeing with my words because I'm DEFIANTLY correct trust.

Me, Val, Kymber, and Camden.c gave Mr. woods song suggestions for teacher appreciation week or day. I put dont get too high by Bryson tiller on there, its a really good song I should've put it on the top its really awesome. I have an archery tournament on Thursday which is really cool cause that means i get free food and get to buy unnecessary things. Unfortunately were not riding in the van since the whole team qualified, which I will forever be upset about💔. But the bus is cool i guess, just not as comfy and nostalgic. I hope we get pizza like last time though, it was really quick and fun, it was restaurant with like a whole bunch of toppings and we could make it however we wanted, plus it was this cool arcade too. Id do anything to go back to that day, I wish I was more confident and not scared to speak to other people on the team then cause they would talk to me and i would get nervous, i cant lie they were attractive in way but i still should've been able to speak to them. This is clearly reflecting how i cant speak to uayf at all. Hes literally beautiful, INDUBITABLYY FINEEEE, funny, creative, can actually dress. Like HUBBA HUBBA.

From Blogger iPhone client

AAAAAHHHH

 Everyone is pissing me off I swear I cannot go a day without peace and it KILLLLS me. I mean what do you mean i cant get a break from even my friends making racist jokes even if they aren't about me, hen they know that it pisses me off? Is that hard to keep your mouth shut? Is it that hard to grow up? People are so weird I swear. I would've been better off being friends with the people that everyone makes fun of then be around people who make jokes like that and thinks its okay because an Asian girl agrees, but just to remind you she is not black she cannot speak for me. Its so annoying, just because were friends does not make this ok or funny. Its just straight up disrespectful and rude. I unfortunately do not see myself in this friend group for much longer, id rather be actually alone than feel alone with a bunch of people. I genuinely believe if I didnt meet any of them id feel more free even if I was annoying. I remember in 6th grade I was hanging out with them during break and I had gotten told my laugh was obnoxious, and annoying and that made feel really self conscious about a lot of things about myself. I always told people I was confident and didnt care what people said but I lied so much in 6th grade that the whole year didnt even feel real, even now I cant understand if that year was how 6th grade was supposed to be or if I ruined it for myself. That whole year consisted of me feeling scared of people hating my voice, my hair, my style, my face, and my skin. I never dreaded school for school, I dreaded it because what if my friends magically decided to just drop me or just realize how actually unbearable I am? The time between 6th and 7th felt so long that it doesn't feel right. I cant explain the feeling I feel when I think of it. I remember that's when I got my first iPhone, I was struggling with my sexuality badly and doing it ALONE, BILLIE EILISH PHASE (iykyk), my mental heath was bad, and just a bunch of disappointment. And when 7th grade started its like it all stopped and I was different person. I'm not saying I still want to be a 6th or 7th grader but I miss how I used to make myself seem. Even now, although I appreciate the compliments I get, I dont want to ever believe them cause would 6th grade me believe them? I want to feel pretty without people telling me. People lie and people are weird I shouldn't need to hear people telling me that i am pretty to feel pretty. 

I dont understand anything that is happening around me at all, I'm starting to not care if my friends leave or not cause recently ive been thinking of just cutting them all off. Maybe that sounds mean but with how ive been feeling recently I cant keep trying to hold onto the friend group if they make me feel this way allllll the time.

IM TIREDDD OF STUPIDDDD FUCKINNGGGG PEOPLEEEEEEEEE

I HATE THEM IM TIRED OF YOU ALL FUCKKKK YOU LEAVE ME ALONE DONT TEXT ME DONT CALL ME LEAVE ME BE PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

from k414's iphone

GNARLY by KATSEYE

 The song isn't horrendous but it certainly could've been executed more thoughroughly. My ears are trained well enough from my long lasting hyperpop phase from 2021-2025, the song gnarly could have taken advice from other hyperpop artists out there (other than the one they bought the song from), changed the song a bit to match their vibe or just could have simply chose a different genre due to it not exactly going with the theme. It could've been a gnarly song if the song WAS gnarly. It was indeed an interesting song to add to my liked songs, but from a creative perspective, I can easily see what they were reaching for with the song. Although I am not satisfied with the outcome, I am still glad to see an attempt at the genre.

from k414's iphone

I HATTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THIS SCHOOOOOOLLLLLL

 WHYYYYYY AMMM BEINGGGG PUNISHHHED FOR WHATTTT DUMB PEOPLE IN MYYYY CLASSS DID ?????? I WAS MINDDDIIINNNG MY BUISSNEESS!!! I WAS WATCHING THE CHARLIE BROWN MOVIE WHILE THEY WERE DOING WHAT THEY WERE DOING YESSSSSSTERRRRRDAYYYYYYYYYY. I CANNOT WAIT INFACT I AM ECSTATIC TO NOT BE IN THIS CLASS, CAUSE FYM YOUR GONNA TAKE MY GOLD AND SILVER TRIP AWAY (THAATT III WORRRRKEEDDD FORRR) BC MY CLASS CANT ACT RIGHT? TS TS TS TS PMO ICL SYBAU FR LKE WTFWWU STFU WDYTYA?? 

Now my mom wants me to see a 3d of "my" new baby brother but chat. Seriously. Do I haveeeee to have another?

update: it was cool but weird. I forgot to add one of theachers that made me mad made us write a 300 word essay of why our class pisses him off everyday (not his exact word for it but acurate) heres mine 

Annoying people, people who are annoying 

Annoying definition if needed: causing vexation or irritation : causing annoyance : irritating. an annoying habit. annoying questions

These people can easily be named by group, like L**** friend group: being loud, another example is occasionally j***** friend group. I truly don't have a way to explain why mr w***** is upset because simply i am not mr w***** . These people occasionally irritate me too but not the point of being mad at everyone (which is totes not cool at all). I am NOT a big fan myself of Mr W***** choosing when TO be mad and when NOT to be mad with an action a student does. For example, whenever J***** makes a comment out loud, he will occasionally laugh or make a joke back. But when b******* makes a joke he’ll be like “stop making comments out loud” just tell them both to stop. I don't remember the prompt at all. Im not gonna write a long whiny essay about how i dont think this is fair and how sad i am about writing this. I understand there are a select people out of my class who are very annoying and hard to work with, and i also understand this class is insufferable because those people being loud, annoying, non-cooperative, and hardheaded. But what i cannot understand is why those people are the reason i have to write a 300 word essay. Mr w***** would probably say “thats just how life is” but then again does my boss make me write a 300 WORD ESSAY? I understand COMPLETELY why you are upset at LC, ZL, LM, JR, A and etc. but the WHOLEEEE class?? I now am aware of the prompt, but then again kaia is NOT aware of why you are upset at the whole class😐. I do NOTTT agree with your decisions most of the time 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

from k414's iphone