heh

 I missed many many days but here's an update, everyone has been talking literally everyday in the gc which is good. But unfortunately due to Christopher and Camden being overly freaked out in the gc it resulted in Kyra getting grounded and not allowed to speak or do anything with any one in team cereal anymore. Though not all of us did anything and its really not fair. I wish I never knew that, it makes me sad. I dont know why. its probably because my Spotify premium runs out tomorrow and I have to wait till I get it paid again. Man there's so much tea I have to spill but I am anxious people I know have found out about this, I hope not, that would really suck. 

How come everyone I know has romantic things happening for them but I haven't had shit happen for me? Im not saying im trying to rush it or anything im just saying WHATTTTT???? I mean i have friends who will literally be gleeful to hop into another relationship after being in one for like 1 month-2 years. HOW? I cant even get one 

Does no one ever calling me ugly mean I'm pretty or am I reaching. (you "yes") oh noo *sad emoji*

boi

PULLLLLL UPPPPP HOOOOOOOO 

The baby was born

 He was born June 12th, I couldn't find myself to feel excited like my sister. I felt a relief for my mom, must've been hard to carry the baby. Though I still cant find an ounce of excitement. "oh dont say that he's your brother." this is how I feel period. When I was told she was pregnant I wasn't excited then so what makes you so sure I am now, i dont wanna visit the baby because i dont want to take out my jealousy or be upset. its not a big deal. i dont want to visit the baby. Every time the baby is mentioned i am filled with the heavy feeling of dread and i hate it so so badly. I know i should just get over how itll never be just me and mom again but its difficult when its the only fun memories i had of her. Maybe thats my fault since i never speak to her anymore, i try but its like speaking to a complete stranger its not a good feeling especially when its someone your supposed to feel close and safe with.

 

 My brothers coming on the 13, i dont want him. I cant have another sibling im jus getting farther and farther from my mom. last saturday was the last time ive seen and spoken more than for a second to my mom since beta in november. We went to our nails done and get ice ice cream,but we barely spoke. i miss mom. i miss how she used to be, i miss how close we were, i miss cuddling with her, i miss her attention, i miss when it was just me and her. It cant be my fault. i only stay with my grandma because i thought my mom was gonna beg for me to stay. I love my little sister but i wish she wasnt ever born. Everyones always talking about how they love my mom, and i ant to say the same but shes the mom i know and its hard. All i need is my mom please. Im sorry if i sound out of place or mean for saying this but i can not have another sibling please. Shes really all ive got as my actual parent, i dont know my real dad so im stuck with this guy. Maybe if i knew him id be doing better, maybe id be happy, maybe i wouldnt miss my moms attention, hugs, and how she used to be. Maybe i would feel more content. Maybe i woudnt feel like having another sibling would drown me out and make me feel invisible