i miss her so fucking bad its horrible.

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Did I do yesterday

so basi yes this ran number called will,chris,and charlie and with weird freaky shit like “tell christopher  and Will i wanna suck there dick and i want them to cum all over me” i swear, but today we found out the number it belongs to is a girl whos brother and his fr de to use to call us but the brothers friend got our numbers somehow. Mind you these people are in panama florida so i have no idea how the happen to “coincidentally” get half a friend groups numbers just to say weird crap like that. Were still ponder on how they got the numbers though, pretty crazy

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Boi

i woke up at 12 and stay up all night, its 12:50 am now, ive been watching weak hero all night and its actually really Interesting. Val is wanting me to watch study group, extracurricular, revenge of others, good boy (im only watching for park bo-gum), mr plankton, 20th century girl (those two are “sad” which isnt my thing), twinkling watermelon (for hyun-wook), and the night has come (for cha woo min). Thats alot plus the movies i have on my letterboxd, but ill finish them all eventually

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i went to the went to the dentist today for a tooth cleaning even though my teeth are “perfect” and i got the superman shake from dairy queen. Im going to try to go to sleep at a good time now, good night.

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Log 2😋

yes i woke up and was told my mom sister anf brother were visitng, and after they left i texted my fr on my phone for a while. Pretty uneventful

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Time

im start to loose track of time so im going to start log on everyday act this time to make sure i rem ever single day.

Today i stay up all night watching the 8 show and fin f it at 6 am, i couldnt go to sleep after. 5 hours later i started to doze off and woke up feeling weird. My grandma had cooked right be i woke up so i ate. I texted My friends for 4 hours be going to youtube, then my mp3 player for 3 more hours and now i am sit in my room about to try to go to sleep, i dont think i can its really hard to sometimes. This is my fault and im be very dramatic.

2:55- stayed on call with team cereal from 12-2:46, random girl wont stop talking about chris. We played roblox, but she wouldnt stop. Kinda frustrating but i tried to ignore it till will wants to butt in. He is soo astronomically slow. Like insane level dude. So this guessing game pretty much we on for the majority of the darn call.

maybe im just jealous i wont have a close Relationship with someone that way Nor really have a chance. How come everyone around me can attract people but i cant? Am i just not pretty? Or am I too obnoxious? Im not gonna change anything about myself i just want to know what is wrong with me.

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brooo

 Ive been inside all summer except on fourth of July. seriously. Ive been falling deeper and deeper in this like lonely feeling, and ive tried to do things but it really doesn't help it. Its not like my friend group is gonna do anything anytime soon. Its so frustrating talking in the group chat now to me and I feel like I'm the issue, some random was added into the group chat and I'm convinced she just wants to get close to one of the guys, whenever someone asks a question no one wants to answer, when someone brings up wanting to hangout and everyone agrees but proceeds to give no ideas, I'm disappointed I was even begging for a response while I was giving ideas. I shouldn't have to beg for a response, that's pathetic. I love everyone but its truly getting frustrating. 

Don't even get me started on tiktoks, like the only time I get a damn message from my friends on there its something related to streaks or they sent a tiktok with no message attached to it..and whenever I reply to said video I either get a dry ass response or thumbs up/heart. I'd rather get no message at all than get that bullshit. I get so excited when I see a notification in my inbox from the app tiktok, immediately expecting and hoping its a text message that is worth responding to or trying have a discussion about. I fucking hate streaks on tiktok by the way just to say that again, especially streaks in group chats, cause after it gets dry and we already have a streak going those people wanna keep it going of course...but instead of sending tiktoks they wanna send those fuckass thumbs up emojis. What are you giving a thumbs up for dude? I hate tiktok group chats now. no one texts in them and it feels depressing even talking in one just to get no response, Its exhausting talking to 27 people just to get no fucking response.

Lawd

i fucking hate spiders with all my heart die die DIEEEEEE all i wanted to do was watch plenty but I can’t even do that.

i look up, i see spider, i jump, i grab spray, i spray, it don’t fall, i spray again, twitch but no fall, i fall to my knees crying in despair accepting my fate, then it falls, i hate myself cause its either A: alive or B: free crawlin OR C: looking for revenge. Its freezin cold in my house and idk if it fell in my bed or not so im probably gonna freeze to death before i ever find this fuckass spider again

update: I literally just got yelled at for being scared of spiders I bet I’d get yelled at if I was scared of being murdered. god forbid I don’t like something. pissed me tf off i swear. Tf do you mean “why are you scared of some smaller than you?” because I am? Is that an issue? “Im not scared of them so you shouldnt” oh miss me with that

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boii

 kaia not mad kaia just very VERY VERRRRY disappointed 😔