AAAAAHHHH

 Everyone is pissing me off I swear I cannot go a day without peace and it KILLLLS me. I mean what do you mean i cant get a break from even my friends making racist jokes even if they aren't about me, hen they know that it pisses me off? Is that hard to keep your mouth shut? Is it that hard to grow up? People are so weird I swear. I would've been better off being friends with the people that everyone makes fun of then be around people who make jokes like that and thinks its okay because an Asian girl agrees, but just to remind you she is not black she cannot speak for me. Its so annoying, just because were friends does not make this ok or funny. Its just straight up disrespectful and rude. I unfortunately do not see myself in this friend group for much longer, id rather be actually alone than feel alone with a bunch of people. I genuinely believe if I didnt meet any of them id feel more free even if I was annoying. I remember in 6th grade I was hanging out with them during break and I had gotten told my laugh was obnoxious, and annoying and that made feel really self conscious about a lot of things about myself. I always told people I was confident and didnt care what people said but I lied so much in 6th grade that the whole year didnt even feel real, even now I cant understand if that year was how 6th grade was supposed to be or if I ruined it for myself. That whole year consisted of me feeling scared of people hating my voice, my hair, my style, my face, and my skin. I never dreaded school for school, I dreaded it because what if my friends magically decided to just drop me or just realize how actually unbearable I am? The time between 6th and 7th felt so long that it doesn't feel right. I cant explain the feeling I feel when I think of it. I remember that's when I got my first iPhone, I was struggling with my sexuality badly and doing it ALONE, BILLIE EILISH PHASE (iykyk), my mental heath was bad, and just a bunch of disappointment. And when 7th grade started its like it all stopped and I was different person. I'm not saying I still want to be a 6th or 7th grader but I miss how I used to make myself seem. Even now, although I appreciate the compliments I get, I dont want to ever believe them cause would 6th grade me believe them? I want to feel pretty without people telling me. People lie and people are weird I shouldn't need to hear people telling me that i am pretty to feel pretty. 

I dont understand anything that is happening around me at all, I'm starting to not care if my friends leave or not cause recently ive been thinking of just cutting them all off. Maybe that sounds mean but with how ive been feeling recently I cant keep trying to hold onto the friend group if they make me feel this way allllll the time.

IM TIREDDD OF STUPIDDDD FUCKINNGGGG PEOPLEEEEEEEEE

I HATE THEM IM TIRED OF YOU ALL FUCKKKK YOU LEAVE ME ALONE DONT TEXT ME DONT CALL ME LEAVE ME BE PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

from k414's iphone